"Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony." Colossians 3:14 (NLT)
February is coming, and for many couples, it brings mixed emotions.
Some feel hopeful.
Some feel pressure.
Some feel sadness or disappointment.
If that’s you, you are not alone.
This is why January matters. A new heart isn’t just a nice idea—it’s the path to real connection.
Colossians 3:12–13 (NLT) tells us what a new heart looks like in everyday life: “tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience… Make allowance for each other’s faults…”
That means love isn’t only a feeling. Love is also a choice you “put on,” especially when life is heavy.
Why this matters before and after “I do”
If you’re dating or engaged, this is how you build a strong foundation now.
Prepare your heart for this one - Marriage won’t magically fix habits like shutting down, snapping, or avoiding hard talks. It will expose them.
If you’re married, this is how you rebuild closeness when life has felt distant. You don’t have to fix everything in one talk. You just need a plan that creates safety again.
What is the plan?
It is the "3-Minute Connection Reset."
Try this once a day this week:
1) One kind sentence
- “I appreciate you.”
- “I’m glad we’re on the same team.”
- “I’m thankful for us.”
2) One honest sentence (no blame)
- “I’ve been stressed, and it’s been showing.”
- “I miss feeling close.”
- “I’ve been quiet, but I do care.”
3) One small ask
- “Can we do a 10-minute check-in tonight?”
- “Can we pray before bed?”
- “Can we take a short walk together?”
Small repairs build trust. Trust makes love feel safe again.
A simple plan to prepare your heart for February
3 days this week: Do a 10-minute check-in
Ask:
- “How’s your heart today?”
- “What do you need from me?”
- “How can I pray for you?”
2 days this week: Do one small act of care
A kind text. A helpful task. Sitting close without a problem to solve.
This weekend: Create one “together” moment
It can be simple. The goal is connection, not perfection.
Prayer for your heart -
"Lord, soften my heart. Help me be kind, gentle, and patient. Teach me to repair quickly and love well. Bring peace into our home and strengthen our connection as we walk with You. In Jesus’ name, amen."
Next step
If you want support before or after “I do,” schedule a 20-minute connect call. You don’t have to figure this out alone.
Ready for your next step?
If you want help applying this in your relationship before or after “I do,” I’d love to support you with Christ-centered coaching.
Book a 20-minute connect call here, and we’ll talk through your next right step.
Grace and peace,
Dr. Deborah