By Dr Deborah Skomba

Whether you're preparing for marriage or have been married for decades, obstacles will come. But they don’t have to break you—they can build you. Nehemiah wasn’t rebuilding just walls; he was restoring identity, purpose, and unity. Isn’t that what marriage needs, too?

Let’s walk through three biblical keys to overcoming obstacles in marriage—before and after “I do.”

1. Pray First, Don’t Panic

When Nehemiah heard about the broken walls, he didn’t panic—he prayed (Nehemiah 1:4). Many couples react to conflict, unmet expectations, or emotional distance with fear or blame. But what if the first step was prayer?

Before you argue, pray. Before you assume the worst, invite God in. Prayer resets your heart, softens your tone, and brings heaven’s wisdom into earthly messes.

“O Lord... hear the prayers of those of us who delight in honoring you.” — Nehemiah 1:11 NLT

2. Make a Plan and Stay Focused

Nehemiah didn’t just pray—he planned. He asked the king for time, tools, and protection (Nehemiah 2:4-8). In marriage, it’s not enough to hope things get better—you need a plan that reflects your shared vision.

Communicate your dreams. Set boundaries. Carve out time for each other. When outside voices, distractions, or even your own doubts creep in, remember Nehemiah’s words:

“I am doing a great work, and I cannot come down.” — Nehemiah 6:3 NLT

Don’t “come down” to distractions, temptations, or discouragement. Stay on the wall. Fight for your marriage.

3. Build and Battle Together

Nehemiah’s team rebuilt with one hand on the work and one on their sword (Nehemiah 4:17). Marriage is the same—you’re building a life together, but you also have to guard it.You are not enemies. You’re a team. Talk about the hard stuff. Pray together. Speak life over each other. And when spiritual warfare hits, fight back with Scripture, truth, and love.

“Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your families…” — Nehemiah 4:14 NLT

A Prayer for Married and Engaged Couples

Father God,
You are the builder of every strong foundation. Like Nehemiah, help us not to fear the rubble but to rise in faith. Teach us to pray first, to plan with purpose, and to protect what You’ve entrusted to us—our covenant. Whether we are preparing for “I do” or navigating years after, may we never forget that we are better together with You at the center. Strengthen our hands for the work and guard our hearts in Your peace.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Marriage will face broken-down walls, but God is the master rebuilder. He doesn’t just restore what was lost—He makes it stronger. Like Nehemiah, you can overcome every obstacle with faith, unity, and vision.

Next Steps

  • Need help building or rebuilding your marriage? Let’s talk. Book a 20-minute clarity call with me today. CLICK HERE TO SCHEDULE
  • 10 Questions Every Couple Should Ask Before the Ring. It’s not a checklist—it’s a tool for clarity, communication, and confirmation. It helps couples slow down and see the red flags and the real, God-given strengths they already carry. CLICK HERE FOR GUIDE
  • "Better Marriage Podcast: The I do and I don't of everyday life," found on Apple , Spotify and Here🙂

Know a Couple Who Needs Clarity Before the Ring?

If you know someone who’s seriously dating or newly engaged, I’d be honored if you referred them to Before the Ring. When they complete the program, I’ll send you a $25 Amazon Gift Card as a thank-you—have them mention your name when they sign up.

You were never meant to do this alone. Let’s build a marriage that reflects God’s love—together.

Grow in grace,
Deborah