By Dr Deborah Skomba

Do these sound familiar?

  • Why do we keep talking at each other instead of with each other?
  • How can we stop arguing in front of the children?
  • When will we finally leave the past behind us?

It may feel easier in the moment to stay silent, but those unspoken concerns can slowly create distance and a closed-off heart.

So before we dive into the steps toward a healthier marriage, take a moment to reflect on these hard—but—necessary questions. Often avoided to keep the peace, these questions actually open the door to deeper trust, healing, and connection. Left unspoken, they can keep you stuck—circling the same mountain, keeping you stuck in the same role-playing.

Let these questions guide you toward the practical actions that follow.

The truth is, true peace doesn't come from silence—it comes from honest, loving communication.

These hard questions aren't meant to stir up conflict—they're meant to clear the way for deeper healing. When we ask what we've been avoiding, we make room for truth, grace, and growth. Below are three intentional actions to help you turn those questions into a deeper connection.

"Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ." – Ephesians 4:15 (NLT)

Speaking the truth with kindness nurtures understanding and growth, laying a foundation for a stronger, healthier marriage.

Here are 3 actions you can take for a healthier marriage before and after "I do":

  1. Create Safe Spaces for Conversation: Set aside regular times each week to openly discuss feelings, thoughts, and concerns. Keep these conversations judgment-free, allowing both of you to speak openly and honestly.
  2. Ask With Love, Listen With Grace: Frame difficult questions in a spirit of love and respect. Listen actively without interrupting or defending, demonstrating your commitment to truly understanding your spouse.
  3. Commit to Resolution, Not Just Agreement: Aim to resolve conflicts even if you don't fully agree. The goal isn't perfect agreement but mutual respect, understanding, and moving forward together.

Prayer for you:

Dear Lord, please grant us courage and kindness as we navigate the challenging conversations in our marriage. Help us to speak and hear the truth with love, knowing that true peace comes through honesty and understanding. Bless our relationship as we strive to grow closer to You and each other. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Next Steps

  • Need help building or rebuilding your marriage? Let’s talk. Book a 20-minute clarity call with me today. CLICK HERE TO SCHEDULE
  • 10 Questions Every Couple Should Ask Before the Ring. It’s not a checklist—it’s a tool for clarity, communication, and confirmation. It helps couples slow down and see the red flags and the real, God-given strengths they already carry. CLICK HERE FOR GUIDE
  • "Better Marriage Podcast: The I do and I don't of everyday life," found on Apple, Spotify and Here 🙂

Know a Couple Who Needs Clarity Before the Ring?

If you know someone who’s seriously dating or newly engaged, I’d be honored if you referred them to Before the Ring. When they complete the program, I’ll send you a $25 Amazon Gift Card as a thank-you—have them mention your name when they sign up.

This week, I hope you find peace without compromise,

With heartfelt hope and prayers for your marriage,
Dr. Deborah Skomba

Founder, Heart to Heart Ministry and Coaching
Helping you build the marriage you've always dreamed of—before and after "I Do."