In my last blog, I shared about what husbands really need but rarely ask for. I hope it opened up some eye-opening conversations.
This week, we’re turning the mirror so we can see the other side—what a wife longs for but may not feel safe enough to say out loud.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” – Ephesians 5:25 (NIV)
The Greek word for love in this Scripture is “agapaō” (ἀγαπάω), and it sounds like ag-ap-ah'-o. Let's take a look at Strong’s Greek #25. It means to love in a moral, social, and spiritual sense. Blue Letter Bible.
This word describes active, selfless love—perfect in reflecting Christ’s sacrificial love for His church. This is not just emotional love (from the head) - it’s a deliberate (from the heart) Christ-like commitment to serve your wife’s well-being above your own comfort.
If you’re the husband reading this, lean in. This isn’t a criticism—it’s an invitation to deeper connection. And if you’re the wife, you might find yourself nodding quietly, realizing you’re not alone.
Marriage is God’s idea, and His design is that we would love each other well, not just meet each other’s needs when it’s easy, but in the ways that build trust, intimacy, and spiritual unity.
Here Are Three Heart Whispers Wives Rarely Voice:
- "I need to know my heart is safe with you."
Every wife wants to be able to share her heart without fear of being judged, dismissed, or misunderstood. Emotional safety means she can tell you what’s on her mind—her dreams, fears, frustrations—and trust that you won’t use her words against her.
Why she might not say this: She's worried you’ll think she's 'too sensitive' or that she's asking for something unrealistic.
God’s word says: “Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.” – Proverbs 31:11 (NLT)
Hebrew word “batach” (בָּטַח) baw-takh'– Strong’s H982. It means to trust, be confident, secure, and bold. Trust is the foundation of emotional safety—when a wife feels secure in her husband’s love, she can share her heart without fear.
What to do? Listen without your phone in your hand. Ask questions. Repeat back what you’ve heard to make sure you understand.
- "I need love that doesn’t always lead somewhere."
Physical affection beyond the bedroom is essential, but sometimes a wife wants to be held without expectation. A hand on her back, a hug in the kitchen, or sitting close while you watch a movie—these things whisper, I see you. I value you.
Why she might not say this: She doesn’t want you to feel rejected if she’s not in the mood for more.
God’s word says: “His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.” – Song of Solomon 2:6
What to do? Try the 30-second hug rule. Just hold her—no words, no agenda—until you both exhale.
- "I need you to lead us closer to God."
Many wives long for a husband who will pray over them, open the Bible with them, and take the lead in creating a Christ-centered home. It’s not about control—it’s about partnership in faith.
Why she might not say this: She doesn’t want to sound like she’s nagging or comparing you to someone else.
God’s word says: “…as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.” – Joshua 24:15
Practical step: Before you leave for the day, take her hand and pray—even if it’s only for a minute.
Here's a gentle challenge for this week:
Husbands—ask your wife this:
"What’s one thing you’ve been needing from me that you haven’t felt safe to say?"
And wives—pray for the right moment and the right words to answer honestly and gently.
Prayer for you to say out loud:
Lord, thank You for the gift of marriage. Give us listening ears, tender hearts, and a desire to serve one another as Christ serves the Church. Remove fear, pride, and misunderstanding, and replace them with love, grace, and unity. Amen.
If you missed last week’s podcast on "What Husbands Need But Rarely Ask," it's on Apple and Spotify, and my Website. It pairs perfectly with today’s conversation. Then, subscribe so you don’t miss the next topic in this marriage-building series. While you are there, would you follow, subscribe and leave a review so others who need to hear this will find me.
Friend, marriage is a lifelong journey of learning each other’s hearts. When we create space for honest conversation, show love in ways that speak to our spouse’s soul, and invite God into every part of our relationship, we lay a foundation that lasts. Keep leaning into grace, choosing connection over comfort, and trusting the One who designed your love story.
From my heart to yours,
Dr Deborah
Founder, Heart to Heart Ministry and Coaching
"Helping you align your life, relationships, and calling with God’s design—so you can live and lead with purpose."
PS. If this conversation spoke to your heart, don’t let it end here.
Click here to schedule your complimentary 20-minute "heart to heart" chat with me. Let’s talk about your marriage, your challenges, and the steps to build a stronger, Christ-centered connection. And while you’re at it, subscribe to the podcast and share this episode with another couple who could use the encouragement.