I thought I would take you for a walk with me
Did you hear what I said?
How many times have we’ve asked this? Many – I’m sure!
And it seems like nothing seems to change - takes your breath away.
Why can’t “someone” hear what you have to say?
Maybe their ears need to be cleaned, or how about if they get off their phone.
That’s it! …. cell phones are the problem!
Well… True - but not true.
It seems we’ve lost the art of listening. Focusing on our phones instead of the person who is sitting in right there - in front of us. Instead of calling or talking face to face, we send a text or email sharing our thoughts and our feelings and most often being misunderstood and misconstrued.
Then we look up on the web whenever a new conflict arises – confidently concluding that the other person has some type of narcissism or personality disorder. As if that’s not enough, we become some kind of expert on mental illness.
Why is there conflict?
The #1 reason for conflict in relationships is not being heard or understood. Healthy relationships are built upon healthy communication. Communication makes way for connection. Connection makes way for honesty. Honesty makes way for trust. Trust makes way for intimacy.
Talking without being heard is a set-up for a break-up. To understand, we need to look at why.
Let’s look at the 3 why’s of communication:
- Why not put the cell phone done?
Better yet why not turn it off for the time it takes to connect with others? Dividing our attention rarely works. It leaves the other person feeling insignificant. Better communication begins with being in the moment looking eye to eye.
- Why not ask what the other person heard you say?
When I am with my clients, I ask them to hold a piece of flooring. Whoever holds it has “the floor”. The floor holder shares and when they are done, the piece of flooring goes to the other person. The hearer will repeat what they heard. Then the speaker gets “the floor” back to say whether or not that is what they said. This is repeated until confidence is restored for healthy communication.
- Why not spend time with others with no distractions?
Establishing healthy communication in relationships is a priority. Keep in mind, healthy relationships will not just happen but are built upon heart to heart talks. There are so many distractions pulling for your attention. Don’t allow them to do so. Meaningful conversations touch the heart.
These are just 3 ways to build better communication in all your relationships. Sounds easy? Don’t despise small beginnings. Keep practicing till you get it. Build healthy communication into your relationships with heart to heart talks that makes a way for honesty, trust and intimacy.
Why not start today?
Deborah Skomba, PhD, has been graced by God with infinite passion for bettering people’s lives for as long as she can remember. Called to serve, she founded Heart to Heart Ministry and Coaching in 2009, where she currently provides a multitude of life-altering services, including Life Mapping, Relationship Coaching, and Temperament Therapy, as well as programs inducive to individuals or groups.