Marriage is one of the most beautiful and sacred commitments two people can make. But before the vows are spoken, there’s an important season that often gets overlooked: the time before the ring. This is the season where strong foundations must be built—and red flags must not be ignored.

As a Christian Counselor and Marriage Coach with over 40 years of experience and a deep love for helping couples grow in Christ, I’ve seen how many relationships enter marriage unprepared. That’s why I created "Before the Ring: Red Flags and Foundations"—a Christ-centered premarital intensive designed to help seriously dating or engaged couples build a relationship that can last a lifetime.

Let’s discuss what this season should look like and why it matters.

Red Flags Are Warnings, Not Walls

When we’re in love, it’s easy to ignore the signs. But red flags don’t mean a relationship is doomed. They’re signals from God saying, “Pay attention here.”

Some red flags are apparent:

  • Controlling or manipulative behavior

  • Avoidance of spiritual conversations

  • Unresolved past trauma or addictions

  • Disrespect toward parents, church, or authority

Others are more subtle but just as important:

  • Different views on finances, children, or roles in marriage

  • Trouble communicating or resolving conflict

  • Inconsistent faith or spiritual growth

God’s Word reminds us in Proverbs 22:3, “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” Before the Ring helps couples slow down and take a good, honest look at what’s under the surface—before they walk down the aisle.

Foundation Matters More Than Feelings

Every beautiful home needs a solid foundation. The same is true in relationships. Although feelings may be strong now, the foundation is what holds a marriage together through storms.

In this course, I walk couples through essential biblical foundations:

  • Spiritual Alignment: Are you growing in your faith together?

  • Emotional Maturity: Can you handle each other’s weaknesses with grace?

  • Communication Skills: Do you listen, understand, and speak with love?

  • Core Values: Are you aligned on life’s big priorities and direction?

I also use APS Temperament Theory, a powerful tool that helps couples understand how God uniquely designed each of them. This isn’t a personality quiz—it’s a biblically grounded way to uncover how we give and receive love, handle stress, make decisions, and connect with others.

It’s Not About Fear—It’s About Wisdom

Before the Ring isn’t meant to scare couples away from marriage; it’s designed to help them enter it with confidence and peace. Whether they move forward or press pause, they’ll do so with eyes wide open and hearts centered on God’s will—not just their own wants.

Isaiah 55:8-9 reminds us, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” My job is to help couples listen to His ways above all else.

Who Is This For?

  • Couples who are dating seriously and talking about marriage

  • Engaged couples who want a deeper premarital process

  • Anyone who wants to know if their relationship reflects God’s design

Ready to Refer a Couple?

Do you know someone who could benefit from Before the Ring? I’d be honored if you connected us. And as a thank-you, I’ll send you a $25 Amazon Gift Card when they complete the program. Just have them mention your name when they sign up!

If you or someone you care about is standing at the doorway to marriage, don’t let them walk through it without checking the foundation. Let’s build strong, Christ-centered marriages that last a lifetime—starting before the ring.

With faith, love, and peace,
Dr. Deborah